The Thin Line
by Nillen
Summary: Angels are not allowed to have feelings. Castiel knows that very well. SLASH. Castiel/Harry.


Disclaimer : I don't own Harry Potter and Supernatural.

Warning for **slash** (malexmale love) and this story takes place in **Supernatural universe**.

**This story is edited by faded. brilliance. **Thanks, mate. :D

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><p>Angels are not allowed to have feelings. Castiel knows that very well.<p>

It wasn't that he didn't understand when the Winchester brothers held onto each other tightly, each trying to save the other out of love. Sometimes when Castiel saw them after they have just finished banishing another demon, he felt that prickling sensation in his chest when they grinned at each other. And when he told them he was going back to heaven, it wasn't the first place that he gone to at all.

Sometimes he found himself standing outside a balcony, in an unknown place. Sometimes he found himself standing in the midst of a crowd. Sometimes he found himself standing beside a bed with someone sleeping on it.

Castiel didn't remember most of the things that he had went through. When the superior angels thought that he was crossing that thin line between human and their kind, they 'reeducated' him. They reminded him of his place, that he wasn't supposed to feel. They reduced his memories, his existing feelings and his thoughts.

But there was something missing; something that Castiel knew he misses.

It was that familiar pair of green eyes, that familiar laughter and those familiar lingering touches. There were times when Castiel found himself standing beside a bed with someone in it, curling up his body in his sleep while dried tears streaked his face, something inside of Castiel wrenched. Something always has.

It felt awful and it left Castiel confused. It made him wonder what had happened and why he was there in the first place. He'd touch the person's cheek, gently wiping away the remaining proof of his misery because Castiel could almost feel his invisible wounds.

There were also times when he watched that person – the owner of those green eyes – get through his day. He stood in the crowd, eyes wary for his safety when he made his way out, passing the roads to get to his working place. There were also times when Castiel stood outside a familiar balcony, hands barely touching the glass door as he watched the person inside move around the room or just sit on his bed or a chair, staring at nothing. And sometimes, when Castiel didn't know what to do, he'd turn himself invisible and stand behind him, as he stood upon a mirror so that Castiel could try remembering.

Unruly black tresses, green eyes, and pale white skin, it was fascinating how a soul could be so beautiful and yet, human. When he spoke to his friends, Castiel wished he could make himself known so that he could see him talk to him. Because as Castiel stares at him through the mirror, it felt as if he had stared back; as if he stared back right through his soul.

Maybe it was because when Castiel had just survived fights that almost caused his existence to cease, he remembered a familiar laughter. He remembered him running his fingers through his own dark hair, the feeling of fingertips which lingered on Castiel's skin and his green eyes were dazed as they looked at him. It was those whispers that kept Castiel still inside, those whispers of love, of never letting go, of never leaving, that made Castiel unable to understand, what he was supposed to do actually. Those words never start from anywhere and always end in nowhere. Like a film played without sounds and Castiel couldn't find the source.

Because there was something missing; there always was.

Until now, since that second Castiel didn't know when; Castiel couldn't find it in himself to look at another being. There was something invisible that bound him to the ground, something that felt like gravity that didn't allow him to leave the humans. Something that didn't allow him to feel anything toward others, but only him.

When Castiel heard them call him, - Harry, _Harry_, that was his name – Castiel couldn't help but to look back. He felt fear, he felt dread, he felt worry for 'Harry'. But he knew to never let himself too close to him. Because those remaining memories, that separated the thin line between human and _his kind_, were the only thing he had now to continue surviving.

Even when he heard him crying at night, when Harry wondered why he felt so alone; like something had just been taken away harshly from him, Castiel still couldn't allow himself to get close. Castiel didn't remember much himself but he knew something was there. Because Castiel could smell his sweet scent everywhere when he was around, because he could hear that funny little laugh that he always gave away on his presence, because every time Castiel closes his eyes, he could almost see himself staring down into those loving green eyes, his own arms wrapped around his waist and their foreheads touching.

Castiel didn't want to stop reliving those memories in his mind. He'd rather cease from existence than having to let go; than letting go of those remaining fragments of his love.

Because angels are not allowed to have feelings… and Castiel knows that very well.

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><p>AN : The idea is that, Castiel and Harry met, maybe in the hospital because Harry is a doctor (and no, he's not a wizard, just a normal human in here) and then one thing carried to another and they fell in love. They were together for about a year, unknown to others but once the angels discovered that, they took Castiel away and 'reeducated' him. Harry's memories are fully wiped away. But for Castiel, only some memories were forgotten.

If there are enough requests, maybe I'll write a sequel? I don't know. :/

Review please.


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